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Druid_girl
  • Rank:Diamond Member
  • Score:2843
  • Posts:2843
  • From:USA
  • Register:11-02-2014 01:37

Date Posted:06-09-2015 09:25Copy HTML

  She was lost, in a world of darkness. The accident had taken its toll; she suffered from amnesia. She was afraid of everything. She had to learn to trust. Everyone wants to help, she thought. But they don't realize that I will have to believe in myself. Never to take anything for granted. She had nothing she could gather from. Gleaning is wonderful, but not easy, since she didn't have memories to fall back on.
 Alison was a writer, but now it was a challenge to be one. She held a blank page.
 Doctor Emile Watson became her mentor. He acted properly when dealing with her. She was fraught with fear. Nothing she did or said seemed to make sense.
 Doctor Watson worked hard to help her achieve self confidence. Alison began to live once she attained this. He would take time to help; she learned that he would not only act as mentor, but become her husband as well. She would never return to her former self. She remains suspended in "No where land," a place of make believe and dreaming.
The End.
Maria
"Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point."
Zydha Share to: Facebook Twitter MSN linkedin google yahoo #1
  • Rank:Diamond Member
  • Score:30689
  • Posts:30689
  • From:Great Britain
  • Register:02-11-2008 11:49

Re:No Where Land

Date Posted:07-09-2015 10:28Copy HTML

Dear Maria, I know you dod not request critique and we said we'd doonly when asked within the Critique forum, but this is such a good opening to an even longer story, but, your castrated sentences abruptly break into the flow of one's thoughts when reading. I tried to soften the flow.
But...Alison's memory 'could' return, bit by bit making for some suspenseful reading...and some great surprises?
I hope you don't mind, but I couldn't resist playing with your short entreé which fuelled further possibilities, Zy x

The accident had taken its toll; Alison was left suffering from amnesia, lost in a world of darkness.

She was afraid of everything and had to learn to trust again. Everyone wants to help, she thought, but they don't realize that I will have to believe in myself first and never take anything for granted. She had nothing she could gather from.  Gleaning is wonderful, but not easy, since she didn't have memories to fall back on.

Alison was a writer, but now it was a formidable challenge, all she held was a blank page.

Doctor Emile Watson became her mentor, he acted properly when dealing with her but she was fraught with fear, nothing she did or said seemed to make sense. He worked hard to help her regain her self confidence and once she'd attained this, Alison began to live once more. He took time to help and she realised that he was not only acting as her mentor, but, was to become her husband as well. 
It seemed Alison would never return to her former self, but was to remain suspended in "No where land," a place of make believe and dreaming.

The End.
........................................................................................................


She was lost, in a world of darkness. The accident had taken its toll; she suffered from amnesia. She was afraid of everything. She had to learn to trust. Everyone wants to help, she thought. But they don't realize that I will have to believe in myself. Never to take anything for granted. She had nothing she could gather from. Gleaning is wonderful, but not easy, since she didn't have memories to fall back on.
Alison was a writer, but now it was a challenge to be one. She held a blank page.
Doctor Emile Watson became her mentor. He acted properly when dealing with her. She was fraught with fear. Nothing she did or said seemed to make sense.
Doctor Watson worked hard to help her achieve self confidence. Alison began to live once she attained this. He would take time to help; she learned that he would not only act as mentor, but become her husband as well. She would never return to her former self. She remains suspended in "No where land," a place of make believe and dreaming.
The End.
Maria
Opposites exist by virtue of each other
Druid_girl Share to: Facebook Twitter MSN linkedin google yahoo #2
  • Rank:Diamond Member
  • Score:2843
  • Posts:2843
  • From:USA
  • Register:11-02-2014 01:37

Re:No Where Land

Date Posted:08-09-2015 03:59Copy HTML

 Thanks for your review and revision of my tale. I cut it short because I am having problems with my pc. I have been hacked and now I can't do very much with my computer. So that is why I did such a lousy job of it. Thanks for taking the time to redo my story, it really has potential. Just can't seem to make my puter work the way it should. I hope to get help for my problem.  Love your help, it has drastically changed the story from a incomplete one to a great change.
Mariaxx
"Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point."
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